Tulip

Posted by Kevin

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https://www.loweringthebar.net/?p=47125

As you know, the Federal Emergency Management Administration has the mission of providing help to those affected by natural disasters and other emergencies. One of FEMA’s major divisions is its Office of Response and Recovery, which provides “guidance leadership and oversight to build, sustain and improve the coordination and delivery of support” to citizens and government units that need it. Based on that statement, the office seems to have donated many of its own commas to those in need, and that is a noble sacrifice indeed. But it does much more than that.

So who leads this important office within this critical government agency? Gregg Phillips, that’s who. And what do we know about him? This:

Mr. Phillips brings experience in emergency and humanitarian response, state government operations and large-scale program reform. He has led organizational, process and technology redesign efforts, working closely with state, local, private, and faith-based partners. His disaster work includes implementing technology to rapidly onboard survivors and leveraging algorithms for real-time deployment decisions that supported restoration of communications and the delivery of critical medical capabilities. Mr. Phillips believes in disciplined execution and restoring public trust through measurable performance. He also once teleported to a Waffle House 50 miles away.

Well, I added that last sentence, but I assume FEMA is about to update its site to reflect this new information, which was publicized earlier today by CNN. (Still not subscribing, CNN, but others have already re-reported the important details.) Philips reportedly made this rather startling claim more than a year ago, on the podcast Onward. That podcast discusses “alternative asset investment” opportunities, so it’s not surprising this didn’t get more attention. I’m guessing it didn’t come up in his confirmation hearing, if he was subjected to one, although what people say in those hearings doesn’t seem to matter much anymore.

Before joining FEMA, Phillips was best known for spewing violent rhetoric and promoting bogus election-fraud claims and other conspiracy theories on social media, as well as his insistence that China was smuggling soldiers into the country to assemble a secret army here. He was not at all known for his expertise in emergency management operations, because he had none, according to the Washington Post. But because nobody listens to Onward, he was also not known for his ability to teleport. Or maybe I should say “having been teleported,” because Phillips seemed to be saying he had no direct control over the process. But he was thinking about Waffle House at the time he was teleported there, he said:

I was with my boys one time [Phillips told Onward], and I was telling them I was gonna go to Waffle House and get Waffle House. And I ended up at a Waffle House—this was in Georgia, and I end up at a Waffle House like 50 miles away from where I was.

Phillips then called the boys to give them an update:

And they said, ‘where are you?’ and I said, ‘A Waffle House.’ And ‘a Waffle House where?’ And I said, ‘Waffle House in Rome, Georgia.’ And they said, ‘That’s not possible, you just left here a moment ago.’ But it was possible. It was real.

Unfortunately, Waffle House is not the only place Phillips has been teleported, he said, describing another incident in which he suddenly found himself in a ditch near a church 40 miles away. The report doesn’t say whether he was thinking about a ditch, let alone that specific ditch, at the time. Given the uncertainty about where he will end up and whether it will be a Waffle House, it isn’t surprising that Phillips seemed to have mixed feelings about this power. “Teleporting is no fun,” he said:

It’s no fun because you don’t really know what you’re doing [he said on the podcast.] You don’t really understand it, it’s scary, but yet um—but so real. And you know it’s happening but you can’t do anything about it, and so you just go, you just go with the ride. And wow, what just an incredible adventure it all was.

It strikes me that he will probably say almost exactly that after the first major national disaster the office responds to while he’s in charge.

That assumes he still has the job after this week, which seems questionable partly because he’s scheduled to testify next week before the House Homeland Security Committee about the risks of the current shutdown. “Lawmakers may also end up asking Phillips about some of his wilder and more extreme comments when that time comes,” one report speculated, and that seems like a pretty solid guess.

Just FYI to the committee, if Phillips does show up for the hearing but suddenly vanishes, you might want to look for him in Dumfries, Virginia, the location of the nearest Waffle House. It’s only about 35 miles from the Capitol, so well within his range.

       

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